transitional beauty

If there is anything to be said about transition, 

let me say this:

I stand in a momentary review of my life. A preview of the things I am about to journey, while still looking behind at the things i've left, momentarily. Something is moving and changing in my response of transition, this something has taken me a while to put into words. 

i am still trying to honestly convey this momentary development to myself, here you find just some thought out loud :) 

All that I can name at the moment is this… while in transitional places of location, of job, of future, of role to play in my here and now, does my purpose in being change, too?

False.

“You can’t change the music… of your soul.”

 –katherine hepburn. Nor should you have to.

So, purpose? What is it supposed to be, for me? Do I get to choose, or learn the dance? Is it this patient process of understanding who I really am, to really understand my purpose?

At 24, I have hopes, I have fears, I have story becoming, I have doubt, I have loves and passions, I have friends who hold hearts and those whom I hold, I have tears, I have laughter, I have pain, I have questions, I have learned and am learning, I have adventures and more to see, I have outlets of life to live, songs to sing, pictures to paint and flowers to pick!!! I don't have a lot of things, like answers. All in all, I am learning to see life as something of beauty yet broken. A transitional beauty, if you will. I don’t think one could live fully, without the two.  

To build purpose, I have learned to become honest with myself. To feel my life again.  

Honest to admit my wrong, forgive myself and be forgiven also. Honest to name what hurts. Honest in believing i am not my own, but of a divine & great design.  Honest enough to ask for help and to know my limit in helping others. Honest with what fills my life, and what drains. Honest in how I communicate, for words hold weight & action exhibits authenticity. Honest to understand I can’t have the future in hand, so I will allow each day to bring what it will, inviting all that comes. We grow up from our down falls, i've picked up a few.  I’m growing honest with what I need, and what I don’t. Honest in what I care about, and what I don’t care for. Honest in what I wish my life to share, the story in which I wish to live and invite others into... a beauty broken yet redeemed. I hope to be honest in what I desire to be motivated by, that which is love. Honest in ways of being transparent, letting honesty conquer fear. The truth sets you free. Not everyone can tolerate being honest. I can’t always. It’s scary. Revealing. Not everyone knows how to hold your honesty and understand what to do with it either... but we can learn. I’m still learning my honesty. In the big moments, and the little. I’ll continue with the small and not allow the travesty to find true, to hold me captive.  

“For tomorrow brings enough trouble of its own” 

I might not understand what the day brings, what it entirely means, but I’ve come to a place where I can no longer complain. I’m still breathing, so I learn to breathe deeper and try to appreciate it with every breath sweeter.  

If there is anything to be said about transition, 

let me say this:

I remain immobilized for a moment. To bask. To soak. To remain wordless & just see. The beauty & all too wonderful for me.

Ps. 51: 6,12